Working parents

Healthychildren.org

Not too many years ago in the typical American family, only the father worked outside the home. Usually the mother was the homemaker and was there to greet the children when they returned home from school each day. But there have been dramatic changes in that picture.   

Millions of families find that they need two wage-earners in order to buy a home, pay the rent, afford vacations or simply to maintain the family budget. In most communities, two-working-parent families are no longer exceptional.   

The Impact of Working   

When both parents are occupied with their jobs for eight or more hours per day, there are obvious effects on the family. On the positive side, the family has an increased income and thus fewer financial stresses. Also, when both parents work, there is a potential for greater equality in the roles of husband and wife. Depending on the nature of the parents' work, as well as the family's values, fathers may assume more responsibility for child care and housework than has traditionally been the case. With their wives out in the workplace, men find it easier to define a greater role for themselves in child-raising. This is particularly evident when parents have staggered work schedules - for instance, if the father works daytime hours and is home after school and in the evening, while the mother works a shift such as 4:00 p.m. to midnight. Dad may then be in charge of preparing dinner, cleaning up the kitchen and helping the children with their homework.   

Avoiding Burnout  

Some parents feel terrible strain and fatigue as they try to juggle their responsibilities at home and at work. If you are starting to feel burned out, here are some ideas to help you ease the pressure.   

• Throughout your workday, fit some relaxing moments into your routine. Close your office door for 10 minutes, shut your eyes and perform a relaxation exercise. Or during your coffee breaks, forgo coffee and doughnuts and take a short walk instead. Diversions like these can reduce stress, improve efficiency on the job, and make you feel more vitalized when you return home in the evening, thus creating a more amicable family life.  
• If you regularly come home tired, try to develop rituals that improve your frame of mind when you arrive home. This may mean spending some time by yourself in order to put a distance between you and the day's stresses. Coming home is an important moment that should be taken seriously. Your children are eager to be with you and to share their day's experiences.  
• Assess how you are spending your time during the day. Look for areas in which you can reduce stress. For instance, can you bring in dinner two or three nights a week? Can you hire a high school or college student to help for an hour or two in the evenings, perhaps doing the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen? If you can save a couple of hours a night this way, you will have more time to spend with your children and/or to relax or sleep.  
• Involve the entire family in the evening responsibilities that are such a drain on your time and energy. For example, the family can work together to clean up the kitchen after dinner; with everyone's help it will get done much quicker and free up some time for you in the evening. Do the same on the weekends too: If the house needs cleaning, have everyone pitch in on Saturday morning; this will help build family cohesiveness while finishing the job faster, thus leaving more time for enjoyable family activities.  
• Keep your expectations realistic. On certain evenings you might have to choose between going to the market and doing the laundry. Some tasks just may have to wait until the weekend.  
• On the weekends, schedule some relaxation time for yourself. Go for a walk or go to the gym. Do some recreational reading. While family time is important and certain chores need to be done, time to unwind and recharge your own batteries is essential too.

On being a parent

Some time ago at a Girl’s Night in Abidjan, I told my friends that when Noah was born I saw death in front of me.  You can only imagine how those girls looked at me (although they probably feel the exact same way and they often wished that they didn’t have any kids).

What I meant by that is that as soon as I had my baby, I was no longer a kid anymore. I quickly saw myself growing old and dying of old age ;).  I find myself looking at Noah and envying this freedom that he has. A life free of worry….

I feel that I cannot go and cry at my parents anymore. Whatever it is, I need to suck it up and deal with it ! Whatever the problem, I need to face it with a new optic and fix it by myself or with my husband. God…when did I get this old????…well, I think it was the day that I had my own baby and my life was filled with responsibilities that I did not have before.

Now…Would I go and tell all those women not to have a baby and to wait until they’ve seen the world, became successful professionally and done it all?

The answer to that is actually pretty complex...

I think that it’s hard to be ready to have a baby and I think that anyone who is planning on having one should not think about being ready or not on a financial level but more on an emotional level. You need to be ready to a zombie for a good year.

But you know what…I don’t regret the decision that I made back then. Noah fills my heart with so much joy that it makes up for all those dinners that  I missed, all those clubbing moments that I skipped on, all that drinking that I did not do and all the other moments that I could not be there for.

But being a parent is such a great adventure, hearing him say Mama 1 million times a day is just irreplaceable.

Baby and TV

“Catastrophe !!!!” Noah understood how to turn on the TV. He even knows that he immediately has to go to the couch and seat like a grown up and he cries when I turn it off after 10 minutes of viewing.

WHYYYYYYYYY !!!! Aimann and I barely watch any TV, and especially not when he’s with us. We normally take the time to play and read to him.

I know that most parents were confronted to this and had to ask themselves if watching TV was actually bad for their babies.

Well, according to Time Health “TV exposure in babies younger than 2 doesn't do any good, Schmidt and Christakis agree. But does that mean a few minutes in front of the tube will sentence a baby to remedial classes for the rest of his life? "What I tell parents is 'Ask yourself why you're having your baby watch TV,' " says Christakis. "If you absolutely need a break to take a shower or make dinner, then the risks are quite low. But if you are doing it because you think it's actually good for your child's brain, then you need to rethink that, because there is no evidence of benefit and certainly a risk of harm at high viewing levels."If you want to stimulate your baby's brain, he says, try simply playing with him. In a recent study, Christakis showed that basic activities like playing with blocks with an 18-month-old can improve his language skills six months later.” (Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1882560,00.html#ixzz1XSCB8XaI)

So in conclusion, 15 minutes of TV per day is not going to do any harm to your baby as long as he spends the rest of his day doing things that are way more productive and involves him to access his brain and creativity in a more interactive way.

We all know that watching TV is a passive activity, which comes the term “couch potato” which is to become a vegetable in front of the TV.

TV viewing can hence decrease a child’s creativity because it does not allow him to think or to create anything. However, we cannot exclude some positive aspect of some TV programming such as being expose to animals that our children would not have the chance to see, exotic places, distant lands…

What is important is that this activity is a family activity and that you make it interactive for your little one.

Moms Confess on TODAYMoms

Read the article on the link below that I came across this morning: “What’s your deepest, darkest secret? Moms confess in our survey.”

Now, I am not saying that I am a perfect mom but believing that you can give Ice Cream to your kid for breakfast is just plain stupid!

Being a mother is all about infinite sleepless nights, your workload being multiplied by 10, having barely enough time for yourself, cutting your time with your husband in four, forgetting about those last minute plans, having to actually plan a vacation or a weekend out, having to recreate your circle for friends…

So of course being a mother is overwhelming…but what in the hell did you expect???

If you are not ready for all of this…you should get fish! He does not require affection, you just need to feed it once a day and its life expectancy is a few months.

Now, don’t get me wrong, being a mom is hard and you face challenging days every day.

You will cry; you will want to shake that baby until he stops crying; you will probably ask yourself what happened to your life; you will or will think of giving him drowsy medicine to sleep on the plane; you will let him cry in bed so you can have 15 more minutes of sleep; you will put him in front of the TV for an hour so you don’t have to take care of him; you will have him sleep without giving him a bath because you just don’t feel like it…You will think that you are not a good parent…

…But that is what a parent is. He is human with feelings and emotions.

No one told us that it would be that hard. I mean, we don’t remember that our parents complained that much and we turned out just fine…I guess is that at the end, they probably forgot all those hard times…or maybe all the joy and the beauty of being a parent is greater than all of that. Seeing that baby grow to become and independent person is magical.

…We just need to make sure that we do the best we can for him to become the person we wish him to be. 

What's your deepest, darkest secret? Moms confess in our survey

My baby is 1

Today Noah turned one. In his honor, I decided to write again.

Being a mother has been a wonderful adventure for me so I thought that I should share my stories with you.

This year past by fast; yet, it seems so far away that I was holding a helpless little baby that could fit almost in my hand.

It is still hard for me to forget that day at St David’s hospital when I was enduring atrocious pain. I still remember the pain I felt every 4 minutes for every contraction. I was asking myself I could something so beautiful and natural could be the cause of so much pain. I wished at that time that I was better prepared for this. But I guess you never can fully be ready. I thought to myself that there is no way that I could go through this again. But at the sight of this beautiful baby…how could I not.

The first week and the first months were hard.

Never, ever listen to anyone telling you that you’ll know what to do when you see your baby. No matter what they say…you will NOT know what to do. That is why a elder is often necessary to past down the traditions and the way to care for your baby.

I decided that I was going to breastfeed for 6 months at least…I realized the first few days that I was probably going to fail miserably. Breastfeeding is quite uncomfortable…aside from the fact that you are a complete slave to this little being who wants to feed every second of the day; you don’t feel that your body is your own anymore. You barely have time to eat, sleep or shower.

We were in Texas with my mom, dad, brother, sister in law, cousin Philippe and good friends. We had a wonderful time and the lack of sleep and the other side effects of being mother passed by smoothly. We had a wonderful time with Noah and discovering our son.

Many times we had to leave the Vacuum cleaner on for hours when we realized that it made him sleep.

After a month, we went back to Cote d’Ivoire and Aimann and I had to take care of this precious baby ourselves. It was not always easy but we slowly understood each other and we were able to form strong bonds and a happy family.

Today our baby is one.

He walks, he has 8 teeth, he loves dancing and listening to music, he loves animals and the sound them make, he loves discovering new things, his first word was bye bye. He is a very happy baby. In one year he has left the US to Ivory Cost, traveled to France then Haiti and even visited Morocco. I have no doubt that he will be a world traveler.

Today, I held him tight to me and I cried. I cried because he has blessed me with so many things and I am so grateful for who he is and the happiness that he brings to my life.

I take a moment of silence, for all the parents who will not be celebrating their child’s birthday.